4 Days to 10 Years

Sadness flies away on the wings of time. ~Jean de La Fontaine

Every good story has heartbreak whether monumental or minimal. Loss and disappointment are just a part of life....a very important part, for that is where the real lessons are. I could leave the bad parts out but then I wouldn't really be telling you our story. In the span of 10 years there are many moments that are forgotten, everyday occurrences, trips to the store, phone calls with family and friends but then there are the things we would like to forget but once we do we stop being ourselves.

The first great loss that we encountered was when I miscarried our baby. I got pregnant in October of 1999....this was not an easy feat to begin with since my body doesn't process hormones correctly. December 1999 - I had been taking fertility drugs since that May (if anyone has ever taken them they do a number on your body and your mood) so as you can see it was already a long journey. My greatest desire has always been to be a mother.......in every sense of the word and that moment that I realized I was miscarrying was devastating......there was nothing I could do to stop it. Donnie was out of town so my sister-in-law took me to the Dr. and he confirmed it. We tried more fertility drugs but they were just to hard on my body and my mind. Yes, I have been angry with God about it....I have had my tantrums and one sided fights with Him. He is always there reassuring me that He loves me and He has a plan.....that the plans I have for my life are to small scale, He has amazing giant plans for me, He reminds me that I put limitations on what I want and He wants to give me everything, He reminds me once I move out of the way He can reveal Himself fully to me.

There have been times in the marriage where one or both of us has lost our way. Late Summer of 2004 Donnie and I separated. I learned a very important lesson during that time.....I had lost my way and I had lost who I was as a person. Up until that point I had been a very big people pleaser always changing for who ever I was around....I had completely lost who I was as a wife and myself. That time alone was very cathartic for me......I spent time with my real true love Jesus and by spending my time with Him I found who I was. Please do not think that I have it all together because I frequently get off course, I just don't stay on the wrong trail as long.



We lost my Aunt Linda January 2005 (she was my mom's sister). I have such fond memories of my Aunt and I miss her so much. She took me to see my first PG movie when I was 10....Grease.....I LOVED IT.....in fact we sat through it twice!!!! Then she took me to get my ears pierced. She was my cool aunt who lived in a big city and had an apartment with a pool.....how could a 10 year old not look up to her?? She fought cancer for several years and when I say fight I mean fight. Her faith was strong and a great example to me and the rest of our family.



December 2006 we lost my Grandma Lucile (my mom's mom). My Granny lived in the same house that my mom and her sisters were raised in. She was the head cook at the school of the little town she lived in for many years. She was just the sweetest lady you could ever meet, her warm heart and generosity were her trademarks. She carried a strong faith with a meek spirit...I don't ever remember a harsh word coming out of her mouth. I miss her, she was a constant force in a sometimes unstable world.



October 2007 we lost my Grandpa Paul (my stepmother's father). Paul was a sweet, sweet man. Blended families are sometimes a hard thing to be a part of but he always made me feel like I had always been his granddaughter. He was always ready with a big hug, a kiss and a giant smile. His passion was his family, flying and building experimental aircraft, farming was his trade he put his heart into all of it and he is greatly missed.



November 2007 we lost Sparkles. I know I have talked about her but that dear sweet soul was there through everyone of the previous losses. She was a comfort to me in so many ways. She was a loving soul when I was lonely, a fierce protector when I was scared, a consoling friend when the tears wouldn't stop and a constant companion. Her presence in our lives is greatly missed....in fact I think I could use her right now.

December 2008 Don lost his job. This was a sudden blow we were not expecting (does anyone really expect it?). I know that this loss is the start of something great. God gives you double for your trouble......He is preparing us for His great plan.

I will be honest with you this was a hard post to do. Reliving some of those memories was not easy but they have molded us to be who we are apart and together. The loved ones we have lost are still very precious to us and to remember the happy moments with them is pure joy to my soul. I thank God that I got to be in their presence and witness their greatness in this world.